We dream and wish that things could be different. We hope and ponder what it would be like to have the ideal life, relationship, situation, or mindset. We reach, but not too far, afraid that things will become too different or that we won't be able to handle the new situation, the dream better than failing at reaching the goal. If this sounds familiar to you, it's time to sit back and ask, "what is holding me back?"

It's easy to blame your boss, your significant other, the person who wouldn't give you a chance, your parents...the list goes on. Generally, what holds you back is yourself! The lessons you've learned from others, adopting their truths instead of discovering your own, accepting what others say about you instead of recognizing who you are and what you came into this life to do become your truth. It's the truth as it looks from another person's perspective, not your own. Sorting through all of the things you believe about yourself takes time, but is really worth it, as you'll begin to separate the beliefs you've absorbed from others from what you truly believe about yourself and what you're capable of.

Sitting down and thinking objectively about yourself is the first step to taking full responsibility for your life. Making decisions from the vantage point of what you really want versus what someone else wants for you is eye opening. Many times, decisions are made for reasons such as not wanting to upset anyone, keeping the peace, it would make the other person happy, and lack of self-trust (thinking that the other person must be right).

Taking the reins and beginning to make decisions and taking action from the perspective of what is best for you can be scary! It's sailing into uncharted waters, with no idea of what could happen as a result. Fears bubble up around how your newfound independence will affect your relationships, what others will think, and what if they don't approve can serve to stop you in your tracks. So you simply fall back into the comfort of your discomfort and continue to go along, doing what others want you to do and setting your sights on what they think is best for you.

If you're ready to break the pattern, start with these steps:

1. Write down what you think of yourself - what you're capable of, what you're good at, the kind of person you are, the kind of person you want to be, what you think of the way you live and the habits you have, etc. Separate what you think from what you know others think or have said to you.

2. Write down your deepest desires for your life, - what you love to do, where you'd like to live, what kind of people you'd like to socialize with, the type of work you'd like to do, etc. Consider these as your life would be without perceived limitations.

3. Read your list of desires one at a time. Check-in with yourself and see how you feel about each one. Does it seem possible? What fears or doubts bubble up when you read that desire? Do you feel capable of achieving it? What does your body feel like when you read it? Do you feel happy when you think of achieving the goal? From your reaction to each desire/goal, you'll start to understand what is blocking you from going after it right now.

4. Next to each desire/goal, write down what's blocking you from taking action toward it right now.

5. Next to each blockage, write down at least one action step you can take right away to remove the obstacle and move forward with your dreams.

As you do this exercise, keep in mind that the only thing stopping you is you. Fear, doubt, and worry are your biggest enemies in the quest for self-actualization. No one can stop you from being who you are and functioning according to your true nature except you.

Believe that it is possible to move past the blocks that have been holding you back until now. And once you're past it, don't beat yourself up for not seeing it sooner. Everything happens in its own time, when you're ready to open to it, and when you have learned certain things you needed to go beyond where you've been. If you feel ready now, take the steps to move forward. If you're still feeling apprehensive about it, simply look at where you are comfortable and wait until you're tired of the limitations and restrictions. You'll know when you are ready to see yourself in all your glory, acknowledging the special gifts and passions you came into this lifetime to express. And when you are, it will be that much easier to clear away resistance and move the obstacles from your path.

Wonderful things are waiting to happen to you. Breaking down the barriers will allow you to see past the lack and the frustration to a brighter world filled with potential waiting to be explored. All you need do is open to the possibilities your life has to offer and step into the role you were meant to play.

There are times when help is needed to identify blocks to progress and move past them to live the life you've always wanted. Self-mastery coaching is a way to accomplish more in less time than treading the path alone.

© Diane Wing, all rights reserved