Does the idea of a "healthy relationship" seem foreign to you? Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship? What would it look like and what would you feel like to be with the right person? Many people experience the pattern of being in the same type of relationship over and over - but with different partners! The faces change, but the basic type of relationship is the same. Certain themes may pervade the interaction: possessiveness/jealousy, lack of commitment, the need to control all aspects of attracting a person who lacks self-esteem and confidence.
You've got many wonderful qualities. If you doubt that, it may be that your partners in the past have not done much to bolster your strengths, but rather, drew attention to your weaknesses and probably played on them to get what they wanted out of the relationship. Being in a partnership with the right person will make you feel stronger and more confident rather than feeling the need to defend yourself, to battle for everything you want, or worse, submitting to the whims of another because you don't have the energy to fight anymore or because you feel that what you want isn't important.
Ask yourself what you want in a relationship and in your life. Are there specific things you'd like to experience in a relationship that you've never gotten from your past interactions? What is it you're looking for? Exclude what you want your partner to look like or what they do for a living, but actually how that person treats you and how they make you feel. Are you looking for a companion to share common interests? Do you prefer a relationship where you both have your own interests, yet come together to share what you've experienced individually? How much freedom are you looking for and how much freedom are you willing to allow?
The truth is that the relationship you are in mirrors how you're feeling about yourself and the type of energy you are projecting. It may be that you, too, have low self-esteem and require an objective look at what it is that draws this type of person to you. The way you feel about yourself on the inside can be felt by others. When you like yourself and have confidence in yourself, others will enjoy being around you more. The more optimistic you are about yourself and about life in general, the more likely you'll be to attract others who are optimistic as well.
It all starts with self-exploration and the journey of appreciating yourself for who you are. If you're not sure who you are, all the more reason to discover your core identity. By understanding yourself, you'll be in a better position to determine what you want in your life. Find your passion and pursue your interests. People like to be around those who have something they love doing. It also allows you to express yourself in ways that connect you with others who may have similar interests. Learn to communicate your interests in a way that engages others, as well as listening intently to what others have to say.
Once your unique and special qualities are uncovered and you appreciate yourself for the wonderful aspects of yourself you bring to a relationship, then the energy you project and what you attract, in relationships and in all aspects of your life, will be aligned with who you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you want.
Now that you're empowered to take action toward finding a healthy relationship, here are some approaches you can try:
- Talk with trusted friends who will be honest with you about how they perceive you and the nature of your past romantic relationships.
- Keep a journal to uncover patterns, hopes, dreams, and tendencies.
- Select a life coach you feel comfortable helping you explore your unique qualities and to help you clarify what you want in your life
- Personality assessments can be used to reveal your style and tendencies, which can then be used as a springboard for conversations with your life coach.
Keep in mind that this approach works for all relationships in your life, not just those of a romantic nature. You deserve to have the best relationships and life possible. Take steps to get what you want!
There are times when help is needed in building a strong self-image and fostering high self-esteem. Life coaching is a way to accomplish more in less time than treading the path alone.
(c) Diane Wing, all rights reserved